The cold hard truth about Confidence
It is a fact that I love interacting with people, thus I have a strong desire to help people learn how to grow more confident and be the best version of themselves. This I have come to realize is my superpower, my strength. Until a couple of years ago, I was lost and confused as to how to achieve confidence in areas where I doubted myself, my career. After trying so many things I still wasn’t fulfilled as a result I felt like I was consistently failing. I was a fitness coach, which I was really good at and it gave me immense joy but I felt like something was missing. So I studied to be an Image Consultant. Using my knowledge gained, I embarked on workshops for young girls but even with this I found excuses as to why it wouldn’t work. The cold hard truth is that if I look back, I lacked self-belief. I had the capability and knowledge to truly excel but I had this great inner conflict within me. On the outside I exuded confidence because of my personality but the reality is, when it came to investing in myself and my career I was crippled into submission by my own self-doubts and fear.
Confidence, the one thing that escapes us when we need it the most.
A person experiences a lack of confidence in areas that challenge their belief systems. Areas that they were made to believe they are not good at or are lacking in. So aptly put in an article by the Better Health Channel, some of the many causes of low self-esteem and confidence are:
- Unhappy childhood where parents (or significant people such as teachers, family members) were extremely critical
- Poor academic performance in school causing feelings of unworthiness or not good enough
- Ongoing stressful life event such as a relationship breakdown or financial trouble
- Poor treatment from a partner, parent or carer.
How to grow more Confident in the areas that you dread
A successful, independent and intelligent client named Natisha came to me wanting help with self-confidence. “I lack self-confidence”, she said. Over the course of our discovery sessions, it was established that she was actually very confident in many other areas of her life. She lived overseas independently, she excelled at work, her understanding of people, these are just to name a few. There were areas where she did lack confidence, where her lack in self-belief and self-esteem had escaped her and it was this that she found herself focusing on. This mindset that she had been focusing on daily for years had created a demoralizing effect and made her lose sight of all that she was capable of and confident in. The moment she was able to shift her focus and change her mindset about her perception of herself was the moment that her self-confidence began to heighten.
Seeing the Confidence in you
Sit back and reflect, on the many things you know you are capable of doing and how much you have already achieved in your life. Stop reading Now! Take this moment to reflect. I bet you found at least one thing that you can say, you do easily. It’s almost like second nature for you. You are confident in your abilities to do this task easily. Where your confidence possibly lets you down are generally in things that you fear or where you doubt your capabilities. Put your focus on these things and take a leap of faith. Constantly expose yourself to opportunities that take you out of your comfort zone. And remember to celebrate your victories, however small.
Hacks showing you how to grow more Confident
- Start your day with affirmations – a positive can do attitude sets you up for a great day
- Dress for success – Make sure you look and feel your best. Do it for yourself! Be mindful however, that the way you present yourself, speaks volumes about your character. (It takes a mere 7 seconds to make an impression)
- Engage in positive Self-talk – Throughout your day keep your emotions in check. The moment your fears and doubts kick in, remind yourself of what you have already achieved.
- Stand tall and speak clearly – Body language and tonality speaks volumes about how you perceive yourself. So in the comfort of your home, role play how you would like to come across to others. Keep practicing.
- Take small steps forward – In the areas where your confidence escapes you, perhaps its public speaking, or contributing to group discussions, choose to step out of your comfort zone. Constantly remind yourself of the value you have to add and be your own cheerleader!
You have within you what it takes to be great. You just have to tap into it and believe! Trisha Poona, True North Life Coaching trisha@yourtruenorth.co.za