There is no doubt that exams are the most stressful time for a child, but equally as a parent.
My children are in Senior Primary, and the anxiousness I feel around exam time is palpable (you’re probably thinking, “wait till they get into high school Trisha”). But it makes no difference how old your child is, when you are invested in their success the pressure is on.
The moment you get their test dates it’s like a switch flicks on inside that brings out this crazy version of yourself. You have watched your parents do it, they have watched their parents do it and so it goes on. We can’t help ourselves. It’s in-built that the word “exams” triggers something within a parent.
Be it family or societal pressure, we need our children to excel. What we don’t seem to realise is that we are doing two things:
- We are projecting our own stress onto our children
- We are inadvertently continuing the vicious cycle of the generations past. (They didn’t know any better).
As a personal development coach, I have become very aware of how my behaviours impact my children. In the past when I got myself all stressed and frantic, I unknowingly created that energy for them.
In response, they shut down and started to believe themselves incapable of achieving anything great. This heightened their fears and self-doubts, creating the opposite result of what I wanted for them.
Children already know the importance of exams in their life. They are already feeling anxiety due to their own perceptions of themselves. What they believe they are capable of or not.
You can remind them of their true worth by effecting an environment for them to thrive. Here are ways to ensure you stay calm during this time:
- Keep the communication open between you and your child
- Create realistic expectations and share them with your child
- Create a study routine that you are both happy with
- Use positive words to affirm and remind them that they can do whatever they put their mind to
- That you believe in them and are proud of their efforts
- Monitor and be in control of your emotions moment by moment. Your body language, words, and tone matter greatly
- If you find yourself getting frustrated, take a walk, meditate, or phone a friend. Taking control of yourself and the situation will make you feel good and calm which will only have a positive effect on your child. Your child feeds off your energy
“It is the sunlight of parental love and encouragement that enables a child to grow in competence and slowly gain mastery over his environment.” – Felicity Bauer
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